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have i mentioned how much i hate fucking as praxis?

was having lunch with one of my few cherished pilipinx friends the other day and they mentioned one of their partners and something about them being white, then paused, and asked if i was okay with them talking about their white partner.

i was, of course, since i’m betrothed to a white man.

guess it turns out that a lot of qtpoc in their life don’t want to hear about it (which is fair, everyone’s entitled to their boundaries) but also give them grief about it, which is more annoying to me.

most irritating comment: how can you be about decolonization if you’re centering white ppl in your life like this?

eye roll times a million.

in case anyone is wondering: this is fucking as praxis.

the basic logic here is that if i’m really committed to decolonization, i’d obviously dump my betrothed. bc no self-respecting poc revolutionary would debase themselves in such a way, right? or something.

really.

as i told my friend, we are coming up on our 6th year anniversary. and i’m supposed to just… trash this relationship out of some notion of ideological purity?

i could get defensive and get into all the reasons why my relationship is wonderful, why i need it, and blah blah blah. but i’m not. i could even probably try to discourse about why its Right and Good that i’m in this relationship.

i won’t. because, ultimately, i’m here because i want to be. i made a choice six years ago and i keep making that choice everyday. and its my choice to make. does this choice make me impure and unsuitable for the ~movement~? so be it.

anyway. i’ve talked in other places about how ideological purity and fucking as praxis are both weaponized and toxic and create abusive group dynamics. this is one way that it does so.

its funny bc when i hear about things like this it only makes me gladder that i don’t get involved with any community shit in my city or online or anywhere. bc i always hear this stuff from ppl who are very active, who know lots of ppl. bleh.