small collection on navigating harm
November 28, 2015
ok. i”m putting this collection here so i don”t lose it. this is relevant to a discussion i”m having with Tala.
This post is basically about how you can"t say ‘hey, i don"t like this person" without ppl thinking you"re calling them: abusive, oppressive, or some other judgement on their moral character. 2. [**hurt ppl huring ppl**](http://b.binaohan.org/posts/2015-08-29-on-hurt-ppl-hurting-ppl.html) This post (towards the end) starts posing the question about how to conceptualize nonabusive interpersonal harm (ie, if abuse is a pattern of behaviour overtime, can one instance of harm be considered abuse? if not, how do we actually talk about this?) 3. [**a case study of the above**](http://mxb.ca/post/132882851766/in-another-way-what-happened-yesterday-was-an) wherein i discuss how i was recently told i was abusing someone for saying i didn"t like them. but i"ve never directly interacted with them. ever. not once. 4. [**can you abuse someone you"ve never interacted with?**](http://mxb.ca/post/132866556239/now-suddenly-curious-can-you-abuse-someone) (this is literally the entire post, lol)
I”m excited to finally be discussing/exploring this with someone I like and respect. My first post on this was a year and a half ago.
Like. This nexus of stuff is part of why i can”t do ~community~ anymore. Between this and the ppl who purposefully use teh Discourse as a way to justify and perpetuate abuse, I”m just done. Oh. And worse, the ppl who specifically manipulate how we try and talk about abuse culture as a way to actually abuse ppl.
The amount of times I”ve seen some callout of abusive behaviour to be later revealed as a larger pattern of harassment and abuse directed towards the supposed ‘abuser”…
Which is someting, btw, that trans women are quite vulnerable to, esp. regarding sexual abuse/assault. In a context where some think our mere existence is ‘raping” women and where men literally get away with murdering us if they claim they were afraid their recent sexual partner/companion was going to sexually assault them.
This is also why my only advice for navigating this situation is: believe victims, consider the evidence, follow your intuitions, and make the decision you feel is right, rather than whatever everyone else is doing. Take whatever actions you need to protect yourself and, well, that”s it. And take as much time and space that you need to process and understand the situation. Don”t let other people pressure you into making whatever decision they think is most appropriate.