i did want to spend a moment describing what it was like being ace before asexuality was the robust...
September 6, 2015
i did want to spend a moment describing what it was like being ace before asexuality was the robust identity it is today.
- at least 2/3 of my sexual partners were people i had no desire to have sex with, but did anyway for a variety of reasons.
- i felt pressured or coerced into having sex not only by specific partners but bc of the general expectation that asian femmes should always be sexually available to white men
- i spent years wondering if there was something wrong with myself physically or mentally bc i didn”t desire sex
- i occassionally joked about being asexual but it never occurred to me that it was a real option
- for other reasons as well, it never occurred to me that i was allowed to say ‘no” to sex. or to only have it when i actually wanted to.
- to this day i can”t actually coherently understand which of my experiences were unenthusiastic consent and which ones were assault.
- i still can”t quite separate out physical intimacy with sex itself. i can almost… but not quite.
- i hurt myself a lot.
all of this to say… i actually do understand ace issues. i”ve struggled with them for years. i still don”t ID as asexual and i never will. just as much as i know that the ace community, as a whole, doesn”t have room for me (whereas the aces of colour i”ve met and know? generally awesome).