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wandering back

In a way… this has been coming down the pipes for a little while.

Like….

About a year or more ago, I made certain decisions which were, admittedly, ones I still feel good about. They were necessary at the time.

now? i don”t think they are so necessary. or not necessary in the same or for the same reasons.

anyway. this preamble is all me just saying that i”m going back to using neutral pronouns

“they, them, their”

if you please.

Politically (and maybe in my heart too), I”m still 1000% with twoc. But. Idk. Going to Detroit last summer for the AMC changed a lot of things and gave me some (i think) deeply needed perspective. As did moving tumblrs and shaking up stuff so that I would stop my slow slide into complacency (and the harm that brings to the ppl I care about).

i”ve mentioned on a few occassions that being an ~activist~ isn”t what I want from my life. and it really REALLY isn”t. at all. Not even a little. part of this is my eternal gullibility and how easily/deeply i”m influenced by the ppl I have in my life. it makes it SO incredibly important that i surround myself with ppl i can trust and who don”t try and bend me to their way of thinking/behaving.

the other problem… is that the little i”ve seen of ~activist~ type communities is that they are just as shitty and horrible as any other community. they permit abusers and sweep the unpleasantness aside out of a desire to keep things moving.

I don”t want to move any more.

I want time to stop and reflect. i don”t want to feel like i have to keep pushing myself to be uncomfortable and go beyond my limits/boundaries/abilities. while i want to keep decolonizing my mind and supporting and fighting for the stuff i believe in, i need to be able to do this stuff within my own abilities and boundaries.

how i”ve been doing stuff has been harming me.

i”ve been so willing to sacrifice my health in order to do what i think people expect me to do….

been so willing to subsume my self as Individual for the common/communal good.

i need to find a better balance between

“yes, i”m not the most oppressed and my privilege does oblige me to do something for those i oppress”

and

“yes, i experience multiple kinds of marginalization and survival is a fucking struggle”

idk.

this post was just supposed to be me telling everyone to use

‘they them their”

again.</p>