of all my regrets
April 24, 2014
this story i”m currently listening to is, in part, about this self hating gay cis d00d who has an experience of seeing false memories of a life where he is straight.
and this is a fundamental thing i just don”t get.
don”t get me wrong
i do wish many things in my life were easier.
i wish that i didn”t have to deal with transmisogynist microaggressios like i experienced today at work
the ones that remind me that i”m not safe in public and that even in the ~staff only~ washrooms, i”d best stick to the only gender neutral washroom. which often leads me to holding it in far longer than is actually comfortable.
does this mean i wish i was cis?
it makes me wish that my desire to see transmisogyny and binarism reduced to rubble could be realized sometime in the next five minutes
when i was trying to pull off the cis gay thing, i never wished that i were straigh.
i did wish that society would let me be as free as i felt.
with all the racism and white supremacy i”ve experienced
i never once ever wanted to be white
(and, lol, i”m mestisa, so i”m already half white and that is more than enough as far as i”m concerned.)
instead, i want to dismantle white supremacy. this can also be ashes.
the thing is…
is that while this stuff is difficult
it is not nearly as fruitless a desire as the people who”ve internalized their oppression
the desire to maybe become what oppresses as a means to escape oppression.
maybe ur life would be easier
but it wouldn”t be better</p>