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a sign of something gone wrong

so i was recently called out for being anti-Black. this, however, isn”t the problem. as a non-Black person me being anti-Black is simple fact. i”m more concerned with how my anti-Blackness manifested in this particular instance and the opening sentence of the callout than anything else.

first.

but can you PLEASE not wade into Black people”s discussions, as a non-Black poc, especially to directly contradict them?

this? is important. and it is a big fuckup on my part. it is most definitely not my place as a non-Black person to contradict what any Black person has to say about Blackness and the experiences of Black people in relation to white supremacy. not my place.

now. that i managed to forget myself enough to do this in the first place is a giant red flag to me that something has gone wrong (with me). not because it is impossible for me to enact anti-Blackness or be anti-Black but because something like this is the first step towards feeling too comfortable with my ‘reputation” or whatever the fuck. it is me being too comfortable.

so this means i need to take a step back and re-evaluate whatever i”ve been doing because i”m doing something wrong. i need to retrace my steps and figure out how i even got to this place b/c i”m clearly on the wrong path (or, to be fair, as far as white supremacy is concerned i”m on the right path but this isn”t the path i actually want to be on).

the fact that i felt comfy enough to step into the convo and attempt to speak with authority over a Black woman “shows significant anti-Blackness”.

while i”ve never denied being anti-Black, owning up to stuff like this isn”t a magic spell that then excuses anything you do. getting rid of my anti-Blackness needs to be continuously worked at because whenever i”m not working i”m in the default mode (which is being anti-Black). an incident like this is a giant signal to me that i”ve become complacent and lazy about addressing and deconstructing my anti-Blackness.

so. again. to my kind anon and all Black people: i”m sorry. i will do my best to do better in the future.

re: my kind anon.

the other part of this callout that concerns me is

sorry for the anon, but i”m sick of getting blowback in my inbox from people”s followers.

i don”t like this. at all. not that i think that this person necessarily needs to sign their callout, but i know that i can”t guarantee that none of my followers would show up in their inbox with shit.

this is also a sign of something gone wrong. because a Black person should always feel comfortable and secure in calling out a non-Black person for anti-Blackness. and this most definitely should not result in harassment or abuse since, again, a non-Black person (me) being anti-Black is simply a matter of fact.

that this anon was willing to take the time to point out how and why i was anti-Black in this particular instance is an act of kindness i didn”t really deserve.1

the funny thing about how ppl talk about ‘callout culture” (esp. in ways that often target Black women specifically) is that — and i still don”t get how ppl are cannot fucking see this — there is almost always more blowback against the person calling out than the person who was being oppressive in the first place. especially if that person is marginalized.

and a bunch of (often white feminists) are wringing their hands about ‘toxic” cultures or whatever the fuck, this makes me feel like i don”t want to bother participating anymore.

why?

because i don”t want to particpate in communities and discourse where holding someone accountable is a bigger offense than being oppressive.

i”m not sure i can participate in a community (esp. a diverse one) if it isn”t safe enough forppl to call me out (since it also means that it is probably unsafe for me to call anyone out too).

communities like this simply replicate oppressive power structures and embed abuse culture. and it is how/why so many activist type communities/spaces can be filled with covert abusers and covert oppressors. it is an inevitable result of communities where pointing out oppression/abuse is punished more severely than being abusive/oppressive.

these are the two reasons i”m taking a step back.

it is neither my goal nor intention to become a Big Name Activist™. and i”ll most certainly remove myself from (all) discussions if i feel like i”m preventing or hindering progress.2