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unknowingly awkward

So… I was talking with my bf yesterday about awkwardness and what it, um, actually means. Turns out that I have no real idea about what awkwardness actually is. I was sort of talking about how, in fic, there are all these sorts of situations that occur because one or more characters are worried about being awkward. For example, one thing I recently read had read was something about stiles not wanting to, idk, ask derek out because it would be awkward if he said no.

For me… I don”t actually understand why this would be awkward. You ask the person out, they say no, and you both move on with your lives, n’est pas?

I told my bf that I basically never feel awkward. Like… ever. I get frustrated and annoyed when I”m in a social situation where I don”t understand how to behave, but I don”t feel awkward.

He also mentioned that he is somewhat sensitive to secondhand awkwardness in movies and such. So I asked if he ever got secondhand awkwardness from being around me (and other ppl of course) and he was like “yes”. I got examples and everything. My reaction?

That”s awkward??? But why???”

So. What I”m left with is that, if these situations I see described in fic are things that would be awkward irl, rather than being used as literary device, is…

how the fuck do neurotypical ppl deal with this!?!?!?!?

Like. Really????

Anyway… finding this out puts a bunch of stuff into perspective. When I was single and dating, I usually could snag myself first dates… but rarely did I get a second. I”m pretty much guessing at this point that it is because of me being socially awkward without realizing it. Which is good to know because it is seriously something that has confused me for years, since, as far as I was concerned, those dates went pretty well.

Whatever. Their loss.