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one quality of many

so i just saw this post from we happy trans and… while the video itself is fucking amazing the way that wehappytrans frames it makes me roll my eyes:

This is a woman who perfectly represents what I see so much of in my life, but so little of in the media: an intelligent, fun, self-aware, well-adjusted trans woman for whom gender is but one part of a larger constellation of fully human qualities.

that last part of the phrase “or whom gender is but one part”

yes. okay. we don”t see this often in the media.

but. can anyone actually tell me why this is even desirable in the first place (in or out of the media)?

it reminds me of all the white cis gays i”ve spoken to who like to say that about themselves “i”m a whole person, being gay is just one part of who i am”. And the interesting thread I noticed about all of these men is tha they were often the most privileged in relation to the rest of their community. The people who weren”t bullied in school because the were conventionally masculine. The people who had mostly accepting and supportive families. The people who had enough wealth to isolate themselves from the rest of the world (ironically, these men would often be the same ones who only had other white cis gay men as friends). The people who would put up profiles on manhunt that were like ‘i”m not into the scene, no fats, no femmes, no Asians”.

clearly all aspirational characters.

the thing is, is that this phrase leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. Because for all that we need to hear and share our positive stories (or the positive parts of our stories). there is an implicit judgement here if that if your life isn”t positive and your gender just one part of your larger whole….

you”ve failed. that you can”t and will never be inspirational for another trans girl.

that having a life where your gender pretty much dictates all of your actions and opportunities (which is pretty common) and that a life filled with struggle and pain is ultimately worth less than the ‘wehappytrans”.

it is also somewhat ironic that a person advocating for ‘whole trans people” fails to recognize that our entire stories, the pain, joy, sorrow, and triumph, are all important. that Kat”s story isn”t amazing because it is ‘positive” but because it is hers and that she is alive and able to tell it.