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it really has been on my mind

this is my third week in a row where the captioning job hasn’t assigned me any work

i’m fairly certain, at this point, that this means that they don’t want me working for them anymore.

it is kinda messing with my head ‘cause this is the first thing in quite some time that i’ve tried that i’ve legitimately been terrible at (the last thing i was terrible at was learning Chinese and I gave up on that years ago).

the only part, though, that is making me kinda mad is that i ended up having to buy a new laptop to run their custom software. but. i should be able to sell it for something close to full value, I hope.

this will also be the second time I lose a job due to ableism. although, in this case, the employer doesn’t know that the reason why i was so terrible at captioning is because of disability (twofold: narcolepsy meant that i kept falling asleep while captioning so i was slooow and my nld + auditory stuff meant that focusing that much on listening kinda fucked up my brain and, idk, made it difficult for me to see).

but. i’m not at a place where i’ve been able to get ‘official’ diagnoses so i can’t even really say anything about it. not that i would. i found the work so completely draining that, with this three week break, I’ve been able to do so much because i’ve had the energy and mental capacity to actually focus on my projects. the projects that i actually care about.

of course… i’m going to miss the additional income. but it was never that much because i was too slow to make the job even net me a minimum wage per hour.

this experience, though, has shown me how official dxs can be useful. but my sleep study is still months away 🙁