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note to self

I keep telling myself that I should get tougher skin or whatever. Since I’m ridiculously sensitive and impacted by the awful shit people say about me online. Like, it isn’t the people who just don’t like me (I don’t really expect that anyone likes me).

But the fabrications, lies, gaslighting, and abuse.

It hurts.

except. i don’t want thicker skin. i want people to stop doing this shit.

i’ve actually worked really hard to get to the point where i can open up a little and be a little more trust (and i’m still very closed off).

once upon a time, before the neglect of my family and the abuse, before kids started shunning me for being ‘too weird’, before the racism, transmisogyny, ableism, etc. i was a happy-ish, if sensitive and tender child.

life and the world taught me to be otherwise.

and still, to this day, i think it is me who has the problem

‘too sensitive’ ‘not strong enough’

when i really need to remember that it is the abusive assholes with the problem

that the issue isn’t me learning to bear it

but getting them to stop.

i don’t want to learn how to bear this. i also need to really start remembering that my silence only profits my abusers and oppressors.

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