i grew up in a household where even the smallest
May 16, 2012
I grew up in a household where even the smallest error was punished with shame and humiliation.
(Forgetting to make rice = at least a good ten minutes of ‘why are you so stupid? Why can’t you remember to do even one thing? Why do you never listen to anything I tell you?’ with anger and without any patience.)
Nowadays, when I make even a small mistake (forget big ones), I spend days berating myself.
If I make a big mistake? Well. I still haven’t forgiven myself for the ones I’ve made.
Every so often, like earlier. I’ll get a flashback of something I’ve done and feel all the shame and humiliation.
Open wounds ‘cause I just never forgive myself.